"Hey I'm at the store and they have these baby cribs on sale... should I get one?" Asked my husband.
Not a strange question for someone who is expecting a baby but we were not. We had been trying for 3.5 years to conceive our second baby with no luck.
I was slightly annoyed at the question. I had just had yet another failed round of fertility drugs and was literally at my end.
The day before I cried out to God and just said, "I'm so done. How much longer do we need to wait? This is now at the point of just being too painful so either take this desire of getting pregnant away or do something else... quick."
The Bible tells this story of a woman with "an issue of blood" (Matthew 9:20-22). She had been sick for 12 years and to save you the gory details she basically could not stop bleeding... for 12 years! This meant she couldn't go out in public without someone walking behind her yelling "unclean!". She couldn't touch people, worship in the temple or be in public. Can you imagine not getting a hug for 12 years? The pain, the embarrassment, the shame she must have felt. One day she had enough. She was desperate. I can imagine her having a similar conversation with God, "I'm so done. How much longer must I wait? I've heard about this man Jesus who heals people and sets them free. He's coming to town and I can't take it any longer. He's my only hope and my last chance for healing."
We bought the crib that day. Out of faith and shear desperation we took one step closer to the prayers we had been praying.
When the woman heard the crowd with Jesus coming she stepped outside. She thought "If only I could get close enough to just touch the hem of his clothes... I know I'll be healed."
She was healed that day and a short time after we bought that crib I discovered I was pregnant. I had actually forgotten about the crib until I ran into the man who sold it to us and he said, "how cool is it that you guys bought that crib and then became pregnant?"
Yes. Very cool. Was it the act of buying the crib that got me pregnant? No. (believe me that's not where babies come from) but was it an act of faith? Absolutely.
Hebrews 11:1 says,
"Now faith is being sure we will get what we hope for. It is being sure of what we cannot see."
I knew in my heart that God wanted us to conceive again. I was "sure" of it and hoped for it even when I couldn't see it. The road was long and hard and painful at times but faith propels you forward. It requires a step toward Him.
Listen to the words Jesus used when the woman reached out and touches Jesus, "your faith has made you well..."
Why did it take us 3.5 years? Why did it take her 12 years? I don't know the answer to that. However, I do know this. At the start of my journey I made a vow in my heart to always find myself leaning into Jesus. No matter how hurt, afraid, annoyed, discouraged I was I would NOT turn my love off toward Him. I know He is good in every season and my faith is secure in Him. If I can trust anyone, it's Him.
So here I am 20 weeks pregnant and the same God who was there in my cries and shouts is here now in my rejoicing and praise (and morning sickness).